Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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