just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
