Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
