there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
