i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
