i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
