I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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