glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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