My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
