Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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