Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
