So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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