It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
