i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
