jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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