like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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