The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
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Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize