do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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