just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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