i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
