Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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