end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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