The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
