You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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