My nipple is on Facebook.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
