i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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