You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
