i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
