Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
