Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
