the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
