i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
