it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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