Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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