I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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