He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
