Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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