My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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