i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize