My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
