remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
