i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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