Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
