Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
