I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
