dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
