that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
