WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
the raccoons are back...
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