Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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