2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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