I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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