what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
