Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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