you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
