Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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