so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
