Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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