....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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