What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
