Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
