Me too!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
