exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
