i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
