This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
