I accidentally had phone sex last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
