I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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