he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
