awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
